CREATIVE EXPRESSION AT MY FINEST
It is such a wintry day full of snow and ice. My son and I are packed up and on our way to Nebraska. We have been driving for a couple of hours and the roads are looking dreary. My eyes are tired and I wish that my son was old enough to drive, but he is seven years old and that won't happen anytime soon. We are on our way to my parents house to spend time with them and my brothers. They haven't seen my son Sam in a while.
It has to have been at least two years since they have seen him or I. I had to take a break from my family and move to another state. My husband and I were going through a divorce and my family were bitter about the situation. My father is such a bigot and never liked my husband from the start, but felt he might have been good for me financially. My mother was equally on his side since we are taught to "stick by" our men. My only concern during that time was Sam's emotions. When I announced to them that I wanted a divorce my parents threatened to disown me.
They didn't want the financial burden of taking care of me. I am not the dependent type and always had my own career and stability. As I drive down this road I think more about that time in my life and it angers me. I am not in any rush to get there, but I do miss my brothers. They always loved Sam as well as my parents. I just always felt it was my duty to protect and love my son more since the divorce so I uprooted us to Colorado.
As I drift back into that horrible memory, my son taps me and tells me a funny story about his classmates. It is enough to drive a chuckle out of my cold exterior that is hidden in warmth for him. I give him my full attention and it is worth it. One thing I am glad about the divorce is how close Sam is with his father, Tyler. Every summer Sam goes and spends time with Tyler. Even though, Tyler decided to move all the way to New York City. I guess he really had to get some space from me. When I look at Sam, I see so much of Tyler in him that it scares me.
I don't want my son to grow up and become a narcissistic asshole. I would never tell my son that about his father because that wouldn't make me a good mother. He will get old enough and find out for himself! Sam has a lot of my qualities though because he is kind and understanding. He does however possess his father's stubbornness. In which would be one of the qualities that attracted me to his father. He was such a challenge and I love challenges especially when it comes to romance. I just didn't think it would be all challenge and little solution.
I guess it is good to have this inner discussion with myself so that I can put it behind me. I usually bury the subject and numb it as it comes to surface. I want to enjoy seeing my parents and brothers. I miss our bond and I especially want them to be a part of Sam's life. Sam is so excited to see his grandparents and fly his toy helicopter with my father. My mom promised to make him cupcakes so he is overly excited about that as well. We will have a great time and I will make sure of that.
My old room is still in tact and so are the childhood memories of me running in there to talk on the phone with my best friends about the latest trends. It was also my favorite place to hang out and be myself. I am not only going back to deal with the mess I left, but I'm also heading back to revitalize a lost sense of self. Sam grabs my attention again with another joke. We are now ten miles away from my parents house.
Creative expression at MY finest.