Underneath the surface lies the world you have been dreaming of.
An integrated being is what we all are. We are born of source energy which is rich in femininity while we are reincarnated on Earth which is dense and rooted in masculinIty. Therefore, we are made of both elements. There is a stronger pull towards certain aspects during certain transitions in our lives until we accept that we need both to express ourselves fully. Masculinity is good for tenacity while the femininity upholds the passion. When you are being creative and oozing with many ideas that is a result of your femininity. The drive and focus to create is from your masculinity. There is only a problem when we rely on one aspect of ourselves more than the other. Many have a negative association between power and emotions in which develop fears.
Our lessons in life are to teach us different ways to integrate both of these aspects more into our life purpose to get us to where we need to be. We can't deny one side more than the other when both make up the whole. I am at a point in my journey where I need to reconnect with my masculinity. The spiritual journey that I was on required that part of me to be dormant until I learned more about my emotions. It was through that process that I learned the true meaning of power that would fit my life purpose. Sometimes we don't know our own power and I was one of them. I never saw myself as a powerful person because I loved to be in the background even though I would shine when needed. When I created out of my false masculinity and its fear based beliefs I was creating for all the wrong reasons. I was creating to build up an image so that on the outside looking in I looked powerful (status and image). I did what I thought society expected out of me in some ways. It just left me unfulfilled and inside I knew I was meant to be living life more meaningfully.
Partially, I have uncovered that I was scared to face myself and didn't have the highest self-esteem. I was running away from my emotions because I felt when I showed my emotions it left me vulnerable or I had something to prove to others because they didn't treat me correctly. I wasn't being who I really was meant to be so I kept running from myself until life forced me to face myself. On the surface, everything appeared great and I looked like I was in control, but underneath I was unsure of who I really was. I just wished someone would come along and understand me without me having to tell them because I was scared to open up. I felt like opening up to others fully and have them see my shadow would leave me in a state of weakness in which would leave me open to getting hurt.
I had friends around me and I was the life of the party, but I couldn't relate on a deeper level with any of them. I would attempt to open up as much as I could without giving too much away and some would listen, but couldn't provide the feedback I needed. My parents saw me as this amazing "go-getter" which added pressure to the mix because I didn't want to let them down. It seemed like I was holding up to everyone else's standards except my own. Then life forced me to take a journey within when elements of my life collapsed. I realize this phase of discovery has been occurring in my life every 3 years since the age of 19. In those moments where everything seemed to collapse around me it was a "Dark Night of the Soul". I couldn't escape who I was meant to be and was forced to make adjustments in my life.
I have lost friends over the years and interests in old ways during each phase. It was painful going through each experience, but it was really for the best. I felt betrayed because others started to reject me and I didn't understand why. It was because my light was coming on and I was meant for more than I settled for. The more I tried to cling onto what wanted to be release then the more pain I felt. Nothing in my current reality at those times reflected me at all, but I was afraid of change. I was afraid to take big chances on what I really wanted because of a fear of if I could actually have it (too good to be true syndrome). I also had little faith in the universe bringing my desires because my mind state was about survival because of painful past experiences. Living in that way restricts your life because you aren't fully engaged in experiences.
All of those moments led up to this next phase which is one of the most redefining ones in my life because I am fully awakened! It is still a learning curve aligning more into who I really am and living within my spiritual truths. I understand the true meaning of loving yourself and the beauty of having power within yourself. It is much easier to have confidence than arrogance because it shows you can still be a team player. When you open up from a place of authenticity the world reflects back to you with authentic experiences. You find others who live from their heart and your encounters are more enriching. It is work to get to this space, but aren't you worth it?
I relate to those who surface personality doesn't reflect who they really are because I been there before. I am gifted with the ability to see past the surface personality through my own experiences and offer compassion to others. For a while when you live on the surface it feels good because you get to keep the world at bay. It limits heartbreak and failure when you live on the surface, but equally stalls true love and great opportunities. You hardly take responsibility for your actions on the surface because your personality is all about what's in it for you. You want to avoid any situation that will make you open up and events that make you face your shadow become your sworn enemy! LOL Trust me, I been there and done that. Blah! It isn't a lifestyle I would want to go back to at all and once you step into your authenticity you won't want to either!
I was totally into my masculinity before those dark times. Now, I am heading towards warmer encounters and peace within myself as I aligned back with my femininity. I am honoring the divine Goddess by being gentle and powerful. I am using my power to bring positive changes in myself and others with a more effective method. If you are reading this then you are well on your way to aligning the masculine and feminine inside of you. There is a deep craving for love that only you can bring to your life. Love is what we all are striving for even when we look for it in material objects and others. I can laugh at myself now for all the times I thought that building my career, having money, and getting attention would solve all my problems. Now, I know that it is my open heart and connection to my higher self that brings me enriching opportunities, people, and experiences. There is a huge difference between quality and quantity.
Many times we abuse the quality in our lives in sake of the quantity because we feel more undeserving of it. Cherish all that is quality in your life because quality is what builds strong foundations while quantity cracks under pressure. I am very selective about who I bring into my circle because I cherish my space. I have many acquaintances because I love to socialize and meet new people, but not everyone is worthy of getting in my personal positive space. Your company reflects your space and if you let the wrong people in then you set yourself up for a downfall to be betrayed etc...You have to tune into people's vibes to decide if they are worthy of your positive space. Don't feel bad about it either because your life is meant to be an amazing experience.
As we approach new phases in our lives there are parts of our old selves that we have to bring with us in which we would of locked away in a previous phase to help us on this new journey. I feel like this incubation stage can serve as a time to get reconnected to that part of ourselves that we hid away since we have learned more about the other side of ourselves. This way we can learn to go after life being a fully integrated being. It may be painful to be reconnected with those aspects of ourselves because they were hidden out of fear based emotions. It was what we were hiding from, but as healing energy brings us more and more into its embrace we can't run from those sides of ourselves anymore. I am in the process of being reconnected with my masculinity in a positive way which allows me to honor myself from a place of love.
We are meant to go deeper beneath our surface personalities and stop assuming our true desires aren't worth pursuing. If your heart and mind can conceive it then life can help you achieve it. The power of being authentic lies in trusting in the unknown. It takes a brave soul to stop engaging in lifestyles that don't serve their highest good and take the journey within to heal. The healing process can feel like pure hell at times as you remove everything you thought was true about yourself. Sometimes you do run back to old ways and lifestyles, but this time you end up rejecting them because you can't run away from your life purpose forever. When you are meant for greatness it is the infinite creator who will fight like crazy to get you to surrender to your greatness.
Uncovering who you are is worth the passage into darkness because you will rise up so much more amazing. Every area of your life will feel like bliss because you are finally whoever you have been dreaming of. You won't ever settle for less again because you serve an amazing spiritual team who believes in showering us greatly! This path has taught me so much about myself and others which is the blessing in disguise. I understand what is really important in relationships with others. I understand the laws of the universe even times when I have experiences that make me feel like, "Whoa! That's weird." I have a lot of wisdom to share with anyone who is willing to listen as my experiences lead to deeper understandings of life.
I crave deep rewarding experiences from the heart and won't settle for anything less. My new desires involve being of service to others in my career, a healthy conscious equal partnership with my divine mate that gets better with time and provides both of us the space to be our authentic selves, and of service to the other (power couple with our unique twist!), a steady flow of abundance to support my lifestyle, quality friendships, and a space to create from my authenticity! I am honoring my soul's desires and they are all worth the wait and work to get to. My story is no longer my own because I am meant to be of service to the world. Let me be your beacon of light to show that change is possible and you can be beautifully broken into something even more amazing.
You truly are an integrated being of masculinity and femininity and in this time space reality you are being reawakened into that wholeheartedly. The universe truly loves us and works in mysterious ways to make us whole and complete. The journey is never-ending and constantly unfolding as a result. No one said this journey was easy, but they all promised that it would be rewarding. Rise up and go deep...
Spiritual literature for the soul to inspire a better life.