Written on August 15, 2013
I just finished with a metaphysical course on communication skills and it really opened my mind to alternative ways of communicating with people. Communication is vital to human existence and it has to be an internal skill first . We have to recognize our emotional flaws(defense mechanisms) and work on them before we challenge someone else's emotional behavior. A lot of how we react to situations are created during childhood. I am highly aware of that and as a future teacher, I always tell people that we are fostering future adults.
We don't forget that rejection from a teacher for an idea we thought was great. Nor, do we forget that scorning from our parents because we didn't live up to their expectations. So when we get older and those situations manifest again we react the same way we did before. We forget about being mindful and acknowledging that the other person has a reason as to why they reacted the way they did. I know personally that I can be very defensive. I blame it on the fact that I'm very passionate and when you hit a chord in an area that I'm sensitive to, I can explode!
I'm not violent, but my sense of hearing seems to fade and I look for flaws in your argument to prove you wrong. I'm naturally competitive so I must admit that I get a kick out of bursting someone's bubble. I listen only to a point of finding a hole in your defense when I feel I'm being attacked. It's a way to cope with vulnerability. I can't stand being vulnerable. It is highly uncomfortable being as I'm an aquarius and we are naturally detached people.
Not to say that I get a pass on emotions, but it does help with understanding how I view them. Now, I'm not like that all of the time. I am an empathetic listener too. I often step outside of my own emotions and judge from the other person's point of view. Even after I am done throwing a tantrum, I do come back down to Earth and see things from both perspectives. It's just during that time of heightened emotions I can't let someone see me as a weak person. That stemmed from childhood where I often felt overlooked.
It's important to see the other person's point of view. You don't necessarily have to agree with it, but you have to try to understand why that person reacted the way they did. We are all craving for the same needs in life. We all want love, acceptance ,and individuality to name a few. Speaking of individuality, it is actually a culprit in the art of communication. We have become a people of self. Everyone is looking out for their own needs to the point we have lost a sense of community. Like they say, "We can't find world peace until we have inner peace".
It is important that you work on your art of communication and that includes listening and verbalizing. Let's start with ways to improve your listening skills. No longer look for ways to prove your argument, but search for a common ground. Listen in a way that the person feels it's okay to share their emotions with you. That will in return make them want to listen to you as well because you respected how they felt. It removes the vulnerability from the conversation. No one feels that they are being attacked or judged.
Okay, with the art of communicating, expressing how you feel can be challenging. Not everyone is naturally comfortable with speaking about their emotions. Some people feel better with writing them out versus verbalizing them. You have to respect how one chooses to communicate. It's better to address your own faults in a situation oppose to blaming the other for the situation. By doing so, you reach a solution instead of a deepening into the conflict. Both parties get to work on themselves and when another situation comes up it's easier to address the issue.
Take a day and sit down with yourself. Ask yourself some questions like what is the source of your TRUE anger, Are you really mad that the person let you down or are you too co-dependent? When you look at things from an outside perspective it changes your outlook on life. We aren't meant to be mad beings who populate this beautiful planet. We are creatures of love and compassion. We have just been conditioned to be highly defensive and overly competitive to satisfy our fragile egos. If you check the media you'll see that its popularity has to deal with anger and flamboyant individuality. Look at those so-called reality t.v. shows and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about.
I'm always one to promote meditation as its the best place to be in times of turmoil. It's good to surround yourself in whitelight and pray for the other(s). Don't keep that negative energy harboring inside or let it get between you and a precious bond. Anger should be acknowledged then released. That way you pave way for healing. Release those old defense mechanisms back into the universe to be recycled into something good.
I recommend studying Carl Jung's, Shadow Self. There's a good meditation on it by Christine Breese and it helps turn your negative traits into positive traits. Remember that we are put on this Earth to grow. Do not develop spiritual stagnation by refusing to do so. You are withholding a life of beauty that God has created for you. Once you release and receive the lesson you are now free to live a better life.
For more on Christine Breese and her awesomeness: http://www.christinebreese.com/
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